Choose PPL Who Choose You... W/out Hidden Motives...

Hi Beauties...
Today I come at you with something that has been heavy on my heart.
Choosing people that choose you, without hidden motives involved.
Being that of personal relationships, friendships etc. Some people don't mesh with you, relate to you, or may even feel threaten by you. 
When you find yourself around those that don't put in the same effort that you put into the relationship/friendship, they don't choose you.
Remove yourself away from those who only choose you when it's beneficial for them. 
I heard the saying "Everyone don't share the same heart as you."
Choose those that share the same heart/intentions as you... 

When you find yourself involved with those that come around when they need you but turn their backs on you when you need them... REMOVE YOURSELF ASAP!
*Understand that those people only choose you when it benefits them.

Pluspiration By Karen D. Harbin...

She's Not Weak, She Gave Her Best To An Undeserving Man...

#Pluspiration By Karen D. Harbin.

Topic: She's Not Weak, She Just Gave Her Best To An Undeserving Man. 

Ladies we all have been through the agony, pain and hurt during/after relationships with undeserving people.

We are often left hurt, broken and mostly confused.
We are often left confused because you have given this person the best parts of you and yet this person remained ungrateful and dismissive.

You are left scolding yourself as to why you've been so irresponsibly stupid, lost, and weak because you allowed yourself to feel safe, open and secure with this person. You gave this person endless amounts of love and support,
catered to this person and gave this person the BEST part of YOU while forgetting about you.
All while he's giving you NOTHING. He's remains ungrateful and dismissive.

#Pluspiration by Karen D. Harbin:

You aren't WEAK...
Loving, Supporting and Catering to someone that you care about isn't WEAK.
However... Loving ,Supporting & Catering to an undeserving person that have no real intentions of gifting that same treatment towards you is very wrong. NOTE: Not Everyone Share The Same Heart As You Do.


Instead of questioning your actions involving this Situationship, you may want to ask your self WHY were you willing to offer your all to a person that continues to berate you, be dismissive toward you, take advantage of you and treat you as if you aren't worthy?

Yes this person is indeed WRONG; however you should question your WORTH.

I've been in this situation more than I like to admit. I was looking for someone to compensate the inner qualities that I lacked at the time.

When you are self aware of your worth/value, toxic people cannot enter/remain in your life.

How you feel about you is how you chose the company that you keep.
If you are dismissive, heartless and unworthy to you than that is what you will allow in your surroundings/bed.








Don't continue to beat yourself up or allow others to tare you down.

Venting is good but watch closely who you vent to. Some are around to point fingers, tell you what you should do, calling you weak etc... Even when their going through the same or have been through worse.

Focus on YOU. Make you 1st priority. Love YOU. Get to the bottom of WHY you attract such toxic beings and revamp your inner person.


Darling you aren't WEAK. The person that took advantage of you, dismissed you, mistreated you, abused you and broken you is the type of person that defines WEAKNESS.

Don't succumb to what other's may secretly whisper about your involvement in this toxic situationship and Don't succumb to the perception of being WEAK.

You were temporarily out of touch with YOU. Darling you have learned your lesson. It may have been your 5th lesson..lol.

Treat YOU how you want others to treat you. Confidence is a repellent against any and all things that are toxic.

All Love Beauties!

P.S...

When She's NOT Daddy's Little Girl...

When She's Not Daddy's Little Girl...

Daddy am I pretty? Do you love me? Daddy are you proud of me? Daddy do you see me? Daddy I’m here, do I matter to you?  Daddy.. Daddy.. Daddy…….

  

 Little girls need Daddy’s love too. 
When Daddy’s here but Not here. 

Begging for the love, affection and attention from a man who should love her unconditionally.

The first man who she should hear the words I love you, I’m proud of you and you are beautiful. The man who should offer her love, support and security. A child should never have to beg for their parents love. A little girl should never beg for the love of the first man she sees as her hero.

When she’s not daddy’s little princess, When she’s not the light in daddy’s eyes, When she’s desperately seeking to be acknowledge from the first man she fell in love with (Dad) and he turns his back on her she tends to search for the love, support & attention from others. She tend to place her value, worth and love for self in shaky hands. 
Shaky hands that can’t offer her what she so seek, Shaky hands that will see her neediness as unattractive, Shaky hands that will take advantages of her broken heart.

#Pluspiration by KDH...

Dear BabyGirl…

True… A little girl should never have to seek love from the man whom should love her the most.

I get it, he broke your heart, he did not acknowledge you, he did not protect you or support you. 
You begged for Daddy's love, affection, comfort and protection but you didn’t receive an ounce of it. 
You then retreated to questioning your own value and worth and began to consider yourself as a less than. 
If daddy don’t love me than why should any other man…

Some little girls grow up to beg for the love, affection & attention from those who don’t value them. 

Other's don't understand your constant need to hold onto those (lovers) that don't deserve you by questioning why are you holding onto this man who continues to cheat on you, betray you, manipulates you, verbally/physically abuses you…WHY?... 
It could be because of your continuous pattern of seeking, chasing and searching for love, affection and attention from men that continues to break your heart.

....BabyGirl, yes it hurts, it’s not fair and yes you do deserve better…

The love, attention, affection and security that you should seek has been in front of you the whole time…the unconditional, unquestionable and undeniable love from the Most High. 
You have a Father, a heavenly Father that loves you unconditionally.
When you place your heart in his hands you will see the value, worth and love that becomes of you. 
No need to search, chase or damage yourself to receive the Most High love. Run after him, pour your heart out to him and fully allow yourself to open your heart to him…He has been chasing you, seeking you to accept his love. Place your broken heart in his hands and then you shall began to see how valuable you truly are.

All Love…

Karen D. Harbin

P.S… After a moment of self-reflecting, this topic has been weighing on my heart, as well as on the hearts of many other’s.

  

Don't be Optional...Teaching ppl How to treat you pt.1

Video: Karen D. Harbin. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel 
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMl6zG-wtbvoChbkol5MaiA?spfreload=10




Don't be Optional...Teaching people how to treat you...

Hi Beauties... In a recent conversation with a few acquaintances, the topic of discussion was how people think it's OK to treat you as they see fit.
My response to people treating you how they see fit is accurate; people will treat you how you represent yourself. If you present yourself in a way that displays a step on, ole reliable being or irrelevant that is how people will treat you or shall I say that is how toxic people will treat you.
Again I say CONFIDENCE is a repellent against all things that are toxic. When people see your confidence they will treat you as such.

Those that are threaten by your confidence will usually dismiss themselves from your presence.

In my YouTube video I discussed how lover's treat you as an option or a person of convenience when they see fit. I suggest dismissing yourselves from people that treat you as if you are something that they can pick up, play with and put back on the shelf to collect dust, then leave you in the position of thinking that something is wrong with you.
I say don't ever put the blame on you or question your worth from how a toxic person treat you and misuses you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with , STOP throwing pity parties questioning your worth or relevance to an undeserving person that doesn't deserve to be in your presence.
Ladies you have to start setting boundaries and letting people know what you will tolerate and what you will not tolerate and if those people decide that they don't want to abide by your simple boundaries dismiss yourself from the equation or better yet allow them to dismiss themselves, cause trust me they will. Don't chase after anyone who treats you as an option. Trust me...I been there and done this....
Some people like you to chase them because they need you to fulfill their ego. I'm not in the business of swelling someones ego at the cost of my value & worth.

Ladies present yourself with confidence and don't be afraid to walk away from anyone that treat you optional. Again..People will treat you according to how you present yourself.

GoodNight Lovelies!
Subscribe to blog below and also subscribe to my YouTube channel Karen D Harbin.

Crumbled Pages By KarenDHarbin

Crumbled Pages (Open Memoir) Excerpt From My Book http://www.karendharbin.com/products.html ... BabyGirl you left your book wide open AGAIN. The crumbled and worn pages of your heart is on display for all to see. Beware of the Storyteller, he's toxic and preys on the weak, lost & confused. He will tell fictional tales of false hopes, dreams & fantasies to get what he so desire and leave you with torn pages.

Hello Beauties...
I wanted to shed some light on how women expose themselves prematurely to those who haven't proven themselves worthy to read their personal chapters. Often times we let our guards down to soon and end up falling victim to a toxic being who has portrayed themselves as genuine.
When you prematurely disclose the chapters of you to a toxic being they will use that data and store it in their files to take advantage of you.
Toxic people seek lost, weak and confused individuals, because, those are the type of people who are searching for someone, something or anything to fulfill what they lack giving to themselves; could be love, feeling completed or to feel like they belong.
Toxic people know exactly how to win over the heart of an unsuspecting individual who lacks self worth...Even the women who portray a strong demeanor can fall victim to a toxic person if their vulnerable.

Excerpt From Phase 6- Open Memoir:

In the process of meeting a person who meets your qualifications and standards do not reveal your insecurities or make yourself an open book during the meet and greet phase…

Toxic lovers will see this as an opportunity to destroy you by delivering the words that you want to hear and I refer to this as selling hopes, dreams and fantasies. Toxic people will make you feel that you are the most important person in the world to get what they want.

Toxic lovers will create any characteristic that you are likely to gravitate to; by revealing yourself as a open memoir this will give a person knowledge of how to approach you. When you prematurely open yourself up to a possible toxic love interest they will be the character that you wished to have just to get what they truly want. Toxic people seek out women who have a low self concept and devise a plan to make them believe that he is their knight and shining armor. Toxic people want to get into your head and make you believe that they genuinely have your best interests and this is purely a ploy to get you to do whatever they want.

Ladies you want to be in the position to read their memoir so remember to humble yourself, silence yourself and allow your potential love interest to open up and reveal their memoir to you. Ask the following questions: what defies you as a man/woman? What are your personal achievements? Go deeper by asking who are you without your materialistic possessions? This is one of my favorite questions because it will give you a more in depth perceptive of which they truly are. Stated in previous chapter: If a person describes their accomplishments solely on material possessions they have acquired and not accomplishments based on academics, career or personal achievements than this person is neither mature or the right person for you…WHY??? Because this is the definition of a person who defy their worth on materialistic objects and this describes a self absorbed person that has not grown into maturity.

You want a man to prove himself to you so that you can get a clear picture as to whether or not you want to continue your involvement with this person.

#PluspirationByKDH:

Ladies I've been down the rode of falling victim of opening the pages of me several times. Trail & Error. You want so badly to open your heart to someone who you feel is the one but think about this What exactly has this person proven to you for you to think that they are deserving to read the personal pages of you? Could it be because you are looking for someone to rescue you from loneliness, a lack of love or could it be out of desperation. I suggest self reflecting in a diary/journal to find self acceptance. Keep your eyes and ears open and silence yourself.

Have a good day Beauties!

Lessons From Yesterday...

Lessons From Yesterday...

Every lesson is designed for progression...

Every mistake, pit fall, step down, demotion, downfall, is a lesson for progression.

Every plan that has been disrupted was a lesson for progression.

Every failed relationship, friendship was a lesson for progression. 

Every heartbreak, betrayal and displaced heart was a lesson progression. 

Our life experiences from birth until now was designed to enable progression. Trial & Error has always played a factor in all of our lives. 

Lessons from yesterday is designed to teach us, mold us and guide us on a path to progressing. 

Lessons from yesterday promotes gradual growth, whether it's academic growth, personal development growth, career growth and/or spiritual growth.

My Truth... In recent years I have experienced spiritual growth while going through some trying times in my life and I've learned to lean closer to the Most High and ever since I've relied on My King he has never let me down. 

My spiritual growth has been a wonderful journey and I have learned that when going through difficult times, I should consider it an opportunity for spiritual growth. 

Spiritual Awakening by a woman that teaches the gospel once told me "God's curriculum will always include lessons we wish we could skip. God chooses our curriculum." She then went on to ask me... "Ask yourself this question... What is God trying to teach you today?" 

I was astounded by the question and I thought long and hard on the question before replying and I replied... God has taught me that every failed plan, failed relationship, failed career choice etc...was designed for me to progress further and that those disruptions were life lessons for progression.

He chooses our fate, destiny in which he often detours/disrupts our plans because our plans don't go accordingly with his plans for us.

When we jump off the course that God has set for us and get distracted away from our purpose he will guide us back to the course of HIS curriculum. 

Life lessons are indeed designed for progression. Our mistakes, pitfalls and downfalls aren't there to destroy us, they are there to promote progression. 

Rely on the Most High for strength and embrace every downfall, demotion, pitfall or disruption as a means for progression. Don't fall apart take every blow as a means for progression.

P.S. Gods love for us is everlasting, beautiful and forgiving. No matter what mistakes have been made his love for us is everlasting and forgiving.
All Love Beauties... Growth is a Beautiful Thing! Embrace it!!!

Karen D. Harbin

#PhatWomenLogic

When Your Confidence Threatens Other's...

When Your Confidence Threatens Other's...

Hello Beauties, I come to you in sheer disappointment. Sadly I'm in non-disbelief... 
I was visiting family this weekend and an acquaintance of a family member said something that made my skin crawl. 
The woman complimented me on the weight that I have loss and made the most shallow ignorant comment "Girl you are getting close to my size, soon you will have the boy's all over you."
I was like WOW are you serious.
I did not snap on the woman nor did I let her see that I was bothered by her very shallow comment. I simply responded "Darling the boy's have always knocked on my door, I'm opening my door for men only...You can have the boy's LOL!"

You see some people believe that you have to be or obtain a certain size to be looked upon as attractive. Personally I never had a issue with knowing the beauty that I possessed I had issues with having confidence.
Some are threaten by the confidence that you possess, especially the naysayers that believe that people of plus size don't have a ounce of confidence or shouldn't have confidence. 
I've heard comments such as, Your Pretty For a Big Girl. You Dress nice for a Big Girl. 
I even had women ask me "How did you get that guy?" or I heard WOMEN (friends, family& acquaintances) question why would a man choose a woman of plus size..."How did she get him? She must be paying for his time etc..." I cannot begin to tell you how much it made my skin crawl to hear another woman dethrone another woman in such a shallow, ignorant, hateful way.

I detest when other's try to be endearing by saying words that they think that you want to hear regarding your size, beauty and emotions... "Even though your BIG Your still Beautiful." 
HUH???Like I know this. I don't need your shallow comments darling. I never implied nor did I exude that I was insecure about my beauty.
Does my Confidence make you uncomfortable? Do you think that my Confidence is foe? 
Do my Confidence threaten your shallow thoughts about me?

Big Beauties, we do not have to prove or explain our Confidence. We simply exude confidence in the way that we carry ourselves. 
So what if the naysayers feel uncomfortable by us dating attractive, intelligent men. They should focus on themselves instead of YOU. 
Yasss Darling you are fashionable, Trendy, intelligent, a Survivor who is Bold and Fierce! Stay Confident and allow No one to determine your level of confidence. Don't allow the naysayers to spew their hateful venom on you and have you questioning your self acceptance. Be You Darling and as I always say Make No Apologies for being YOU!!!

Friends and Family that try to be endearing with shallow baseless comments probably mean well however, you should address them immediately by telling them that you don't need their sympathy, pity- compliments or encouragement regarding your size or your self concept because you know who you are and are comfortable, fabulous and gorgeous in the skin that you reside in.

Dear society, STOP assuming that my weight is stalling my progression. I don't need your sympathy, concern or pity. It inferior ate's me when people assume that they should act or feel a certain way around me because of my size. Darling I'm good!

There was a time when I had the Fat Girl Syndrome and lacked confidence... however now with a revamped mentality of who I truly am and what I'm truly worth I glow in confidence.




Make No Apologies Beauties, Keep astonishing the naysayer's and Remember that Confidence is Beauty!  

Visit my Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/karendharbin

Blog #SizeHealthyPlus: http://www.sizehealthyplus.blogspot.com

P.S... Be on the lookout this fall for a revised version of my book- The Fat Girl's Syndrome VS. P.H.A.T. Women Logic